Lizzyisms

Scrooged

2009-12-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

I've seen it three times now in three different news stories in the past week, this notion that having less children is the key to saving the planet.

I thought about it. I considered it seriously. I wondered, if this is true, why are the largest carbon footprinting, most consuming nations on the planet the same nations who's birthrates are also the lowest on the planet?

Just wondering.

- Liz, mother of Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther and Fred Astaire (none of whom the world would have missed had they never been born)

"As we approach Christmas, the climate cult is looking more and more like Scrooge to me. And I think Charles Dickens said it best: if we are all going to die anyway, perhaps we had 'better do it and decrease the surplus population.' " - Glenn Beck, rodeo clown (if a rodeo clown commentator can see it...)

LTGAPMFLOTTTSLNOI2BSMTTFSSOM!

2008-12-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

Liz "The Great Aunt" Paulin's Mighty Fine List Of Top Ten Thingies She's Learned, Not Only In 2008, But Since Moving To The Formerly Swing State Of Missouri:

#10 Missouri, aka "the fire swamp", is quite lovely once you've learned to navigate it's perils, wot wot.

#9 Liz is apparently not nocturnal enough to fully appreciate the virtues of "Twilight".

#8 Roaches are beetles. That's all they are. They are not endowed with superpowers. Owmm.

The following two are a direct result of the Great Paulin House Flood of 2007:

#7 Sometimes the Lord lets the floods in so we can find and repair the leaks in the walls (and inside Liz.)

#6 If it weren't for cloudy skies, we would never recognize sunbeams for what they are.

#5 Enduring to the end takes, well...endurance! Huh, go figure.

#4 Choosing the right is hard. So's finishing school. So's raising kids. So's daily cardio. Do it anyway, Liz!!

#3 You are what you eat...and watch...and listen to.

#2 aka "My official rant for 2008":

It's been my observation that the majority of celebridom is a walking tragedy, full of self-loathers who hide their insecurities behind surgery, steroids and starvation in the sad pursuit of being loved and admired by people who don't know them. Case in point: Oprah, you're beautiful. You are NOT a cow. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, and stop reading "Cosmo" for Pete's sake! You're 50 something years old!!! I thought women were liberated!!!!!!

And finally......

#1 Missouri lesson learned:

Don't laugh at the stake president when he extends a call to your husband.

It's not funny.

THE END

(roll credits)

Oh yes, and one more thing....
In 2009...
May our pets be domiciley continent.
May our children be safe and strong.
May our homes be secure.
May our schools be our allies.
May our beds be springy and warm.
May our gardens be bursting and resiliant.
May our broken fences be mended, at least from our side.

Shrews kissing in the Twilight

2009-07-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

SO I finally finished the "Twilight" series.

Sorta.

The books were ALWAYS checked out at the library, and I don't like to buy books until I've read them, so I cheated. I asked my niece how the series ended.

........*listening*........*gasp* Eeeeew! That's so DROSS!!!

Honestly though, I have no doubt it was an entertaining and dramatic read, which was why I enjoyed the first book. And I REALLY hope my Twilight-infatuated friends will continue to speak to me.

So I just got home from a looong vacation to Idaho and found my garden almost hip high, crammed tight full of weeds. The effort to excavate the vegetables continues, and has inspired the following number...*ahem*

(cue music)

I...haaate...weeeeds!

*whack*

I hate them even from the time they're seeeeds!
They harbor pests, they make a mess, they bring me to my knees!
Oh I-I-I-I haaate weeeds!

*whack*

My back is sore, my fingers stiff, and so's my derr-i-ery.
I have to bribe my children to make them co-op-er-ary.
And when we pull, the roots they stay,
So it's all tem-po-ra-ryyyyyy

Oh I-I-I-I haaaate WEEEEEDS!

*WHACK*

(from "Kiss Me Kate", the director's cut)

Next year, it's small, easily managed raised beds and black underlay. Period.

Divorce court of public opinion

2009-09-15T04:49:00.000-07:00

Is anyone out there listening to history??

Mr. America (R): Arrogant nazi cow!

Mrs. America (D): Racist sexist thug!

Kids (R and D combined): You both make me sick! I'm moving in with Grandma...

Divided we fall, folks.

Good, Clean, Icy Fun!

2009-09-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

Does anyone elso out there feel like things are slowly coming to a head?

Well, I do.

Don't get me wrong. I don't know any better than the next man what is going to happen in the future. Probably less so, since my kids lost my crystal ball the other day when they were bowling. I told them not to take it outside, and it's gone now. Probably fell down the storm drain...

Anyhoo, I digress. I don't really need one of my own, since there are a few key pundits in the news, on the radio, and in the blogosphere who are eager to share their sure knowledge of all things politic. They all sound so convinced, I assume they must have some solid, spherical source of information to give them that kind of rock solid assurance that they are right and the other side is bunk.

For now, since I've misplaced my own orb of knowledge, I'll have to look at what's going on around me in the context of history to see if I can find a pattern. I've noticed there are patterns that tend to repeat themselves.

For instance, when there is a power vacuum in government, the closest thing to that vacuum will get drawn in first.

Also, large empires do not last forever, and when they finally decline, some of them do so because they have long been rotting from within.

Recently though, I've noticed that many good people can get sucked into false dichotomies, such as:

"Public option is REQUIRED" OR "Public option is OUT OF THE QUESTION"

"Barack Obama is the Savior" OR "Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ"

"Rush - talent on loan from God" OR "Rush - graduate of Beelzebub School of Acting"

Here's a thought:

What if the current health system does truly need work, in which case it will take time and expertise to map out a smart, effective, BI-PARTISAN plan for reform? Is what we are currently doing, with congress racing to pass...something (I'm not sure what) while the opposition screams foul and throws rotten tomatoes...is this truly how we get things done in America? Should it be? Are we playing football with people's lives?

What about President Obama? Should we hide in our basements and wait for the apocalypse or should we get baptized into the church of change? Is that really what I have to choose from?

Or perhaps I should copy and paste everything Conservative talk radio pundits say on their programs onto my mp3 player and just hit the replay button every time I have a conversation with someone about politics...or should I just do that with NPR?

Either/or. False dichotomy.

Here's another thought:

I don't use a check register to balance my checkbook, I use a small notepad. I know people who swear by the register and would be appalled to see me using a notepad.

So who is right? Is this a debate over principle or method?

Using a notepad over a check register does not make me "righteous". It means I am practical and use what works best for me. We are all striving to balance our checkbook. The righteousness is in the principle of balance, not in the method.

So as I listen to congress and my fellow constituents arguing over the "righteousness" of the method of healthcare reform, I worry...

And while I don't have a crystal ball, I think I can safely assume that divided, we will eventually fall.

I also think some talking heads could do with a good, clean, icy dunk, don't you?

I'm just sayin'.

Paulins-R-Us

2009-08-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm potty training my three year old.

Are there other things going on in the house? Let's talk about that instead.

Bruce is still riding his bike to work. He is still supervising, to his chagrin. He aspires to someday live in the forest as a professional hermit. We're in negotiations over that one. He escapes by fishing; recently, he caught what is known in the angler world as a "mess" of blue gill. Then he brought them home, beheaded them, draw and quartered them, and then skinned them. No one, not even he, feels any compulsion to actually eat them. The older kids hid in the basement from the gore, while the younger kids looked on and gave loud, dramatic commentary. Sara later loaded the dishwasher with salad tongs, not wanting to touch anything that had been in the sink when the fish were scaled.

That night we had nice, fresh, juicy pasta with brats for dinner. The fish are still in our freezer.

The kids are all back in school and seem to be doing swell. Sara is in orchestra and choir. Brian is building a model rocket in scouts. They both love staying up late reading. Sammy is learning how to spell his name "Sam" rather than "Samm". Arthur is wearing underwear and peeing all over the house. I'm sure he does other things too, but the one is crowding out all the rest.

How's Buck doing? Really well. He seems to like us now. He's a bit of a fraidy cat. He was set upon by a couple of shih tzus during our walk the other day, wriggled out of his collar and took off for home. I tell him he needs to be more assertive. Perhaps there is a toastmasters for dogs.

Follow up on the letter to Lifetouch:

They never got back to me. I still have the pictures. End of story.

2009-07-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

So here is a picture of Jeffie Lee Yates standing with Arthur Warren Whitlock, Bruce's great-grandparents. I'm posting this here for a relative who I recently found on ancestry.com.

Although it doesn't look like she does, Jeffie did in fact have feet in real life. I don't know why they aren't visible in the picture. Hmmm.

The Last Straw

2009-05-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

I do not heart commercials.

I am a habitual user of the mute button, an arch rival of internet pop-ups, and a fervent advocate of the do-not-call list. And I particularly dislike being solicited by the schools through the mountains of handouts that are sent home each week in my kids backpacks.

So when my son's preschool sent home a packet of pictures in his backpack a couple of weeks ago, the proverbial camel was already groaning. I scratched my head, puzzled, as I could not recall ordering more pictures; I already had preschool pictures that had been taken back in the fall. I thought maybe it was a gift (silly girl!) and set them aside.

It wasn't until later, when I investigated the packet's contents more closely that I discovered the order form. Apparently, I needed to send money back to the school if I wanted to keep the pictures. They were extorting me with my own son's image!!

The whole situation reminded me of the one and only time I took my kids to the circus. After paying a king's ransom to enter, we were inundated with people trying to convince/guilt us into shelling out more money. They even stopped the show in the middle and the ringmaster, holding up the quality of toy you find at a Wal-Mart checkout lane, spent several minutes promoting the toys and encouraging the kids (i.e. the parents) to buy them (Hmmm...I dunno, should I purchase the inflatable spiderman for twenty dollars, the very same inflatable spiderman that they sell at the grocery store for a dollar??? Is this circus spiderman jewel-encrusted perhaps, and I've simply failed to notice???)

So there I was, irked to the extreme at being caught again in a guilt advertising campaign (Aww, look how cute he is! We simply must buy these pictures! He will hate us forever if we don't!!) I couldn't bring myself to return the packet in my son's backpack. At first, I was tempted to run them through the shredder and send them back in a baggie, perhaps with a mafia-style note. I considered for a time just keeping them and saying nothing, hoping that maybe Lifetouch would take the hint.

I finally settled on the following response:

May 13, 2009

Dear Lifetouch,

I am a stay-at-home mom with three school-age children. I felt it imperative to speak up for myself and other busy parents regarding your current marketing strategy.
I do not appreciate the practice of sending home picture packets that were not ordered to try to entice/guilt parents into purchasing what we don’t need. We are already being inundated with information/advertising/fundraising from the schools. This latest marketing strategy is simply the last straw.
Please be informed that my child’s backpack is sacred and is to be used for educational purposes only. It is not to be used to transport advertising into the home, as I did not give you my permission to use my child as your soliciting tool. One picture day notification per year (we only need one picture per school year) and one notification of the makeup day is acceptable. Twice a year is pushing it. Twice a year, with the spring packet being taken, printed, and presented to the child without my permission, is really irritating.
I attempted to express my dissatisfaction with this service over the phone in a polite and reasonable manner, both with the school and with the local Lifetouch office. Both entities suggested I anticipate when the packets would be sent out and send a note to the school each year requesting that my child’s picture not be taken and sent home. Neither was willing to make my life easier by exempting me from this “service”.
As I am more than happy to return the pictures to Lifetouch, you may send a self-addressed stamped envelope, or you may send a representative by my home to retrieve the picture packet in person. You may contact me at the number provided below to arrange for mail delivery or pick-up, whichever mode of retrieval is preferred.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Mom

An Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh: I hope you fail, sir.

2009-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Limbaugh,

I have become increasingly alarmed at the rhetoric coming from your corner and can remain silent no longer (dangit!).

I've been a sporadic talk radio / NPR listener for about seven years now. I became a listener primarily because I was bored and it gave me something to listen to while I tended to various duties at home and in the car. I continued to listen because many of the things that were being discussed hit home and were not being discussed elsewhere. I never completely agreed with your political takes, and was periodically turned off by your manners, but being able to listen to news bits that were not played on the mainstream media was especially refreshing and informative.

Mr. Limbaugh, I am a moderate. I know for you that's a ticket to the "coward's corner", so I'd like to explain to you what that means to me rather than letting you define it.

A moderate, or perhaps an "Independent" if you like, is one who has become distrustful of political parties and is thoroughly disgusted with the arrogance and the acrimony and the disconnect of the politicians in Washington. A moderate is not one who can't make up their mind, but rather one who knows where they stand very well and cannot fit their core beliefs into any one party platform.

This wasn't such a big deal once upon a time, when to be a Republican or a Democrat was merely a political affiliation, not a religious soap box for hypocrites.

As a moderate I believe in listening to people, even when I don't agree with them. I believe it is necessary for a healthy individual to be capable of having a respectful conversation with an individual who's beliefs do not reflect my own, while demanding the same respect for my own beliefs in turn. I understand from listening to your show the other day that you do not speak to your enemies. I don't believe this attitude is healthy, and your condoning of such immature behavior is not helpful in a time when more than ever we need to be united on our common ground. If we can't find common ground, then one or the other group is going to get pushed off the edge, and that will not be pretty. We are not France, nor do we wish to be.

Nature abhors a vacuum, sir.

If the only people you will give credit for having any valid points or concerns are those of your political ilk, then your fodder is sparse indeed, and your understanding will remain where it is, and over time will crumble in on itself, stale and depleted.

If your strategy is to attack Pres. Obama every time he blows his nose wrong, then you will be perpetuating a lie: that Mr. Limbaugh is always right and Pres. Obama is always wrong. And people like me, who see the vacuum of logic, will draw further away from both political parties, and more particularly away from people like you.

Others, however, will continue to be fired up to the point of religious fervor, very much the way the far left is behaving in response to Pres. Obama's election. In this, sir, I sincerely hope more people will recognize the holes in your arguments and will keep themselves apart from the frenzy you are helping to stir.

In this regard, sir, I hope you fail.

But if not, I hope that those of us who, whatever our politial affiliation may be, continue to love this country AND love our neighbor will be able to hold the system together sufficient for things to not completely fall apart at the hands of quarreling, hypocritical, blind partisans.

And remember, "Moderation in all things" includes politics.

I'm just saying...

Sincerely,
Liz
(A fellow American)

What was that again??

2009-03-20T05:31:00.000-07:00

So...I've been musing this week over a number of episodes of recent brain flatulations and I'm getting a little frustrated. Allow me to vent here...

How is it I can remember that stupid radio jingle from 1980, recite the entire "Return of the Jedi" movie, complete with sound effects and vocal inflections, and play the "Beat Simon Says" game at the pizza hut and win free pizzas, but I can't recall what I ate for breakfast, or what you just said your name was, or how old I am?

When an important event is imminent, I've got the date and time practically stenciled to my forehead but my brain periodically, and unconsciously, reverts back to the day/time I THINK it's supposed to be and my actions follow accordingly. I literally can be looking at the calendar with Tuesday at 6 chiseled into it, saying repeatedly to myself "remember, it's SIX o'clock on TUESDAY!" and I will get in my car on Wednesday at ten minutes to 7! Aaargh! And I'll drive to the wrong place, the place where Sara's soccer game was played last week but this week it got moved to a different location, and I KNEW all this, but I don't realize what I've done until I'm pulling up to the wrong place. So I'm a day late and several miles short.

The worst is when I let other people down with my memory farts by forgetting about an important event, or when I repeatedly can't recall a good friend's name, or am constantly late for appointments. I've forgotten weddings, funerals, baby showers, graduations, birthdays, bar mitzvahs...well, maybe not bar mitzvahs, but I'm sure if I had more Jewish friends (which would be really cool, btw) I'd be forgetting those as well. People end up thinking I just didn't care enough to remember, at which point I just want to go hide in a hole somewhere. ...

I've tried beeping electronic planners, paper calendars, writing on my hand, asking people to call me, post it notes as wallpaper...all of these things help some, but have yet to prevent the steady stream of memory mishaps.

Were I a genius who spent all their time in a laboratory curing cancer and an army of lab assistants to assist, or in a board room with a personal secretary to arrange everything for me and run my schedule, I'd totally rock! People would pass me on the street and say "That Liz Paulin, she's a regular scheduling fiend!" As it is, being a stay at home mom whose job description includes "multi-tasking" and "home secretary", I'm afraid I'd be more apt to get a tomato lobbed at me than receive adulation at my time management prowess.

Did I mention I'm the spouse who forgot her own wedding anniversary?

Anyhoo (I've picked that up from April recently) I just thought I'd vent this morning. And FYI, if I ever forget your name, or your anniversary, or you gave me the top secret government files on UFOs and where did I put them @%$#??!! just pretend I'm really an ingenius, yet eccentricly mad scientist who is on the verge of uncovering the meaning of life.

...and please don't be offended!

Kentucky Fried Paulins

2009-03-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Lunchtime:

We were only supposed to have ham sandwiches for lunch; nothing big, or so Aunt Adele claimed. What we had in reality was a scrumptious, home baked gargantuan ham, almost too big to fit in the oven, roasted to perfection. We did slice it and made sandwiches, but that's not all we had. She also baked a lovely pound cake with a delectable, crumbly melt-in-your-mouth crust. To top it off she threw in homemade baked beans, some chips and dip and a heaping bowl of grapes, lest we were still hungry.

Saturday, Dinnertime:

We go to the local Fish Fry restaurant to partake of their famous catfish and hushpuppies. Everything was battered and fried (I suspect even the water was.) We had all the catfish and hushpuppies we could eat, in addition to heaping bowls of wonderful house coleslaw. I think I may have detected some cabbage particles in the coleslaw, but of course I can't be sure.

Sunday, Lunchtime:

We eat at Grandma Rhodes' house. She makes awesome fried chicken, like my Grandpa used to make. I'd heard somewhere his secret was he reused the same oil over and over. I'm tempted to ask if she used old crusty oil but decide that might not be wise. We had crowder peas from her garden - SO good! She had baked a lemon cake, made with fresh lemons, and pecan pie, made with fresh pecans from a tree in the yard. I'm beginning to believe she truly did walk uphill in the snow both ways to go to school.

Sunday, Dinnertime:

We have our first taste of southern diet food: GRILLED burgers and hot dogs (not fried).

*burp*

(excuse me)

Battle of the Bilge

2009-03-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

(disclaimer - not exact dates; the last few weeks all kinda run together, like...well, nevermind.)

Saturday, 4pm
2 yr old loses his lunch all over loveseat and onto the floor. So not feeling the love right now.

Saturday, 6pm
Has moved his "operations" into the living room - the floor, to be precise. And the chair. And a pile of clean laundry.

Sunday, 3pm
2 yr old leaves a trail of vomit down the hallway. Beginning to wonder if, like a dog, he is marking his territory. Tempted to yield it to him.

7pm
9 yr old makes it to the toilet in time. Yay! You go girl!

Monday, 4pm
Couch moved out to the dumpster trailer to be discarded. It was already nastified; this was merely the final straw. Sunroom smelling much better now.

Tuesday thru Saturday - Nothing to report, captain.

Sunday, 2 PM
Sitting next to my 5 yr old playing a game with him, when out of the blue he lets out a burp from the nether most recesses of blackest Mordor. *cough*cough*gag*
15 minutes later he's throwing up on the carpet in the sunroom. Wondering how he managed to swallow so much food without actually chewing any of it ("Oh look, peas!" he exclaims.)

Monday - All is quiet on the western front.

Tuesday, 2 AM (Grand Finale)
11 yr old produces projectile vomit from the top of his bunk bed onto the hardwood floor - walls, dresser fronts, railings, furnace grates, bedding of children from lower down...wishing the Cat in the Hat would show up with his mobile cleaning machine.

3 AM
No such luck. Heinous clean-up (with "help" from 2 yr old) followed by anti-bacterial soap and water scrubbing, followed by full body shellac with hand sanitizer.

9 AM
Currently suffering from post traumatic heebie-jeebies.

=P

I get it now

2009-02-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

I was treading along on my treadmill late one evening and surprise! there was nothing on television for me to watch while I walked. I tried PBS where I found a special posthumous awards presentation for the comedian George Carlin. They were honoring his life's work by showing clips of comedy routines surrounded by testimonials from other comedians who'd looked up to him. I stayed awhile to watch.

It brought me back to another awards presentation I'd seen probably 20 years ago. Bob Hope was receiving an award in his 90s, some sort of lifetime achievement award. The presentation included movie clips, black and white photographs of him singing and dancing on vaudeville, video of him entertaining the troops over the years, and testimonials from friends and colleagues lauding his life and talent.

I must stop here and confess I've never thought Bob Hope was very funny.

Mr. Hope: "I say, Ms. Judy, how are you this fine evening?"
Ms. Judy: "Just lovely, Mr. Hope. I'm as fit as a fiddle."
Mr. Hope: "Got any rosin?"

Generation gap in humor, I suppose.
Despite this, I was still deeply impressed. I took away from the show a greater desire to lead a good life and to pursue my talents.

Which brings me back to the PBS special.

As with Mr. Hope, I didn't think Mr. Carlin was very funny. Not my kind of humor. Where this show differed from the former, and what eventually led me to change the channel, was the tenor of the "humor" as displayed in some of the montages. One clip, where he gleefully rips the ten commandments, was introduced by Bill Maher. Maher managed to put a plug in for his new book "Religulous" while crediting Mr. Carlin for his inspiration and praising him for his groundbreaking work. What I saw in the clip, on the contrary, was blasphemy as art. And I gave it a chance, even after the intro by Maher. But the audience apparently agreed with Mr. Maher and they all chuckled and applauded.

The one thing I took away from this show: How much we've changed.

As I listened to Mr. Maher, I was reminded of a know-it-all teenager who's discovered his parents aren't perfect and, disillusioned, is now blaming everything that goes wrong in the world on the institution of parenting. His mission it would seem, as the enlightened teenager, is to mock the foolishness of those who "parent" (metaphor for "religion").

I've heard people harp on and on about the Crusades as a prime example of where religion takes us morally. Have we forgotten Mr. Stalin, the atheist, and the millions he slaughtered during his tenure? Have we all become lazy enough to assume people are always who they say they are?

Believe me, I get it. Not every Christian is christian. Christian people have done bad things. Is this sufficient reasoning for religious morals and ethics to be mocked, dishonored, and gleefully tossed out? That's quite a leap, if you actually stop to think about it.

While we're at it, why not do the same for the Constitution. There have been bad people and bad policies here as well. Let's just can this whole democracy thing. It obviously doesn't work.

Or hey, let's all mock and ridicule the education system (oh wait, we already do...). Not everyone who attends school comes out smart and capable, so it's clearly a waste of time learning to read and write. And it's boring anyway. And if we all stay home we can spend more time having fun! Win win!

It's all or nothing, apparently. Seems to me that for people like Bill Maher only Nothing is sacred.

2009-01-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

Some thoughts...

As we watched the Nova special on life forms who beat the odds and thrive in the superheated water shooting out of volcanic undersea spouts, my husband wondered aloud, "How would you boil those crabs?"

If during sunday school you ask a 5 year old who Luke is, and he happens to be a huge Star Wars fan like, say, Samuel Paulin, get the answer you seek you will not.

I never thought I'd be reassuring my nine year old daughter that the Men in Black will not come looking for her as a result of her alien research. I suggested she lay off the books for a while and go play some video games.

According to my two year old, playing the part of Robin in the dynamic duo is desirable. I'm still scratching my head over this one.

I'm wondering why congress thinks bailing the economy out means enlarging the hole of an already sinking boat. I would think the responsible thing to do would be to fix the hole in the bottom of the boat. Silly me.

Tonight Bruce and I ate pomegranate and blueberry swirl ice cream. We are now doomed to remain in Missouri forever...or at least two seasons out of the year (see this week's article in the NY Times "The perils of pomegranate consumption" by P. R. Sephone)

1:35 am is really, really early in the morning. One is usually asleep, unless one is working graveyard shift. I should probably go to bed now. Hmm, yep. Good idea.

=P

Twere it Twue!

2008-12-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

TWAS three weeks before Christmas
when all through the 'Street'
no recovery was stirring,
not even a peep!

The stock market hung
like a dead, bloated cow,
all hope for recovery
dashed on the prow.

I'm guessing our children,
had they been in charge,
would not have accomplished
a debt quite so large.

My mother was clucking,
my father chagrined
that our leaders were napping
while decay had crept in.

When out of the ether
there came many voices
of people who wondered
about OUR bad choices.

"It sprang from our greed,
we believed all their ads!
We had to have everything now,
even ABS!"

Their glistening pocketbooks,
empty and wasting,
gave perspective to folks
once obsessed with their tasting.

When what with our wondering eyes we'd behold,
but the heads of the "big three",
their riches untold.

They came on their jetplanes,
so lively and quick,
to beg for our money.
(It made me quite sick.)

"Go back and be humble!"
Our leaders did scold them,
then promised our money
if they did all they told them.

Away they did fly,
then returned like a bolt
in their shiny, but humbler (and much greener) Volt.

So now they're discussing
their "bankruptcy" choices,
and all the while Joes are left broke, with no voices.

But wait, all you cynics!
Take care and take notice
of all that you've got.
We're richer than Otis!
(Who's Otis? I dunno...he rhymes with notice, though.)

Sometimes we're ungrateful
until it gets harder.
Sometimes it takes miracles
to fill up our larder.

So take what you have
and help someone lower.
Perhaps WE won't need bailouts when it gets colder.

Just friends to look out for us,
friends to look out for,
good neighbors who know what a neighbor is there for.

And I'd just like to say,
(yes, my rhyming's a sight)...

Merry Christmas to all! May we all see the light.

=)

Swiss Family Paulin

2008-11-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

So we were kinda broke this last month.

Swhat happens when, all at once, your car goes in the shop for repairs and your dog needs shots/spaying and your bank improves its online banking system, and in the confusion, you find you've sent out double payments for your utilities *gasp*.

So yeah, we were kinda broke last month.

It worked in our favor, though. We had to live mostly off of what we had in our house for two weeks. We even experimented a bit with living "off the land" towards the end there. We ended up cooking a lot more food from scratch (not an ingredient, btw).

I've learned some valuable things as a result, which I will now graciously impart to y'all. That's just the kind of earthy, land-living gal I am:

#1) Never tell your 9 year old daughter she's eating venison halfway through the meal.

#2) Don't be puzzled when the only family member with the stomach to watch the cleaning and gutting of freshly caught fish is the finicky 4 year old.

#3) Don't leave your 2 year old alone in the kitchen with the waffle batter unless you enjoy "toy car extract" in your waffles.

#4) A vital step in making great pizza dough is allowing your children to powder themselves...and the table...and the floor with the flour.

#5) Real whipped cream really IS better than cool-whipped petroleum byproduct. Huh, go figure.

#6) Homemade white bread should be listed with the federal government as a highly addictive substance, alongside crack cocaine and marijuana.

#7) Dogs make great broom substitutes.

#8) Do not be alarmed when you find yourself consuming vast quantities of sweet potatoes, a vegetable you previously loathed (a sign of Vit A deficiency.)

#9) When your daughter needs to bring a treat to school for the class party, and she thoughtfully waits to inform you the morning of the party, send a freshly baked loaf of bread with her to school. Her classmates will be SO impressed and she will come off looking cool and different (You actually MADE your own bread! whoa...), but novelty or no, none of the kids will eat it as there are not sufficient additives/sweeteners to attract them away from the doritos and hohos. It will come back mostly intact because the only person interested in freshly baked bread will be the teacher, so your won't have to bake another loaf of bread to get you through the week. It's a win/win situation!

#10) The last of the tomatoes are still green and it's about to freeze. Oh well, I guess...wait a sec.

Hmmmm.

*flip*

*flip*

Aha, here it is: Fried-green tomatoes. Sure, why not.

*slice slice slice*

*thump*

*plop*

*sizzle sizzle sizzle*

Ouch! hot!

*chew chew*

Oh wow! Mmmmmm!

Yeah, I get it now!

=P

Holiday Purge

2008-11-18T10:52:00.000-08:00

The Halloween candy is finally consumed. This election cycle is finally over. My cold is finally starting to let up.

Let the cleansing begin!

Today I'm fostering my recovery with a mild dose of Christmas music. Not too much mind you; it's not even Thanksgiving yet (a fact that seems to escape most commercial retailers.) Just one album, played periodically, to lifts my spirits and usher in the holiday season. Perhaps a little Adam Sandler singing about turkeys would suffice.

Unfortunately, I've found it prudent to avoid the radio as much as possible. This is necessary, not only to be free from the blustering "I was right! You'll see!!!" Limbaugh crowd, as well as the smarmy "We won, ha ha!" NPR lot, but also a necessity when one prefers Sisel and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to The Beach Boys "Little St. Nick" and George Michael's Christmas classic "Last Christmas" (played ad nauseum - did Mr. Michael write only one holiday song? Could somebody PLEASE make him write another? On second thought...)

And now for the true purging:

It is now officially time for me to let go of my ire over Smallville being hijacked by teenage soap monsters.

Summary of seasons 4-?:

"I'm Clark, the geeky high school kid played by the cool, hulking college age football player type, which works! No really, it does! And I love Lana!" - Clark looks at Lana deeply

"I love/hate Clark cuz he's a big fat liar! What's my name again?" - Lana looks at Clark deeply, winces from head wound #47.

"I'm Clark's bestest friend, Chloe. Even though I've had my memory erased and forgotten who he really is repeatedly, which makes viewers like Liz so angry they want to throw their remote controls into the television monitor, I still love Clark!"

"I'm Jimmy, Chloe's perpetual rebound...that's about it."

"I'm Lois. I have breasts. Wanna see them?"

"I'm the guest star. I lie like Clark, only not as convincingly cuz they usually figure me out in the first episode. What... oh, sure Lois!"

"I'm Lex. I'm really too good of an actor to be on this show. I have to shave my head to make it fair."

"I'm Lionel. My character makes no sense and is morally bi-polar. I wasn't really dead that one time, just resting. But this time I'm really, REALLY dead!"

"I'm the viewer. I'm so done."

They can't help themselves, apparently, so let it go Liz!

Ahhhhh....that's better.

=)

Reality check

2008-11-12T03:50:00.000-08:00

So it's really early in the morning and I have a cold. Can't sleep. I get up and check my facebook account, surf the news sites on the web, surf them again...

I think back to the opening ceremony of the Olympics, the first after 9/11. We were all united in a purpose. We stood on the steps of the Capitol and sang "God Bless America". What a wonderful feeling!

I miss that now.

This last election was brutal and ugly. There is no such thing as "just politics"; words have power. You can't say everything is okay now that the election is over after spending years of dividing one portion of america and pitting it against the other.

Being a staunch Democrican...or is it Republicrat...I really truly was torn on who to vote for. But what I was NOT torn about, what I was absolutely convinced of, was that personal attacks were heinous and wrong. Attacking a candidate's religious beliefs, their ethnicity, their children's belly fat, their "kankles"...no candidate was safe. It was truly nauseating to behold.

But now we're okay, right? Everything is all better because the election is over, right?

Any minute now Rush Limbaugh and Nancy Pelosi are going to embrace on the steps of the capitol in a gesture of conciliation and good will. Harry Reid is no doubt on his way as I write this to shake John McCain's hand and welcome him back to the Senate, eager to work with him on future projects.

We didn't really mean all of those nasty things that we said. We're all better now because we say we are and what we say, even if it doesn't mesh with reality, is reality.

Just ask Wall Street.