Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Liz "The Great Aunt" Paulin's Mighty Fine List Of Top Ten Thingies She's Learned, Not Only In 2008, But Since Moving To The Formerly Swing State Of Missouri:

#10 Missouri, aka "the fire swamp", is quite lovely once you've learned to navigate it's perils, wot wot.

#9 Liz is apparently not nocturnal enough to fully appreciate the virtues of "Twilight".

#8 Roaches are beetles. That's all they are. They are not endowed with superpowers. Owmm.

The following two are a direct result of the Great Paulin House Flood of 2007:

#7 Sometimes the Lord lets the floods in so we can find and repair the leaks in the walls (and inside Liz.)

#6 If it weren't for cloudy skies, we would never recognize sunbeams for what they are.

#5 Enduring to the end takes, well...endurance! Huh, go figure.

#4 Choosing the right is hard. So's finishing school. So's raising kids. So's daily cardio. Do it anyway, Liz!!

#3 You are what you eat...and watch...and listen to.

#2 aka "My official rant for 2008":

It's been my observation that the majority of celebridom is a walking tragedy, full of self-loathers who hide their insecurities behind surgery, steroids and starvation in the sad pursuit of being loved and admired by people who don't know them. Case in point: Oprah, you're beautiful. You are NOT a cow. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, and stop reading "Cosmo" for Pete's sake! You're 50 something years old!!! I thought women were liberated!!!!!!

And finally......

#1 Missouri lesson learned:

Don't laugh at the stake president when he extends a call to your husband.

It's not funny.


(roll credits)

Oh yes, and one more thing....
In 2009...
May our pets be domiciley continent.
May our children be safe and strong.
May our homes be secure.
May our schools be our allies.
May our beds be springy and warm.
May our gardens be bursting and resiliant.
May our broken fences be mended, at least from our side.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Twere it Twue!

TWAS three weeks before Christmas
when all through the 'Street'
no recovery was stirring,
not even a peep!

The stock market hung
like a dead, bloated cow,
all hope for recovery
dashed on the prow.

I'm guessing our children,
had they been in charge,
would not have accomplished
a debt quite so large.

My mother was clucking,
my father chagrined
that our leaders were napping
while decay had crept in.

When out of the ether
there came many voices
of people who wondered
about OUR bad choices.

"It sprang from our greed,
we believed all their ads!
We had to have everything now,
even ABS!"

Their glistening pocketbooks,
empty and wasting,
gave perspective to folks
once obsessed with their tasting.

When what with our wondering eyes we'd behold,
but the heads of the "big three",
their riches untold.

They came on their jetplanes,
so lively and quick,
to beg for our money.
(It made me quite sick.)

"Go back and be humble!"
Our leaders did scold them,
then promised our money
if they did all they told them.

Away they did fly,
then returned like a bolt
in their shiny, but humbler (and much greener) Volt.

So now they're discussing
their "bankruptcy" choices,
and all the while Joes are left broke, with no voices.

But wait, all you cynics!
Take care and take notice
of all that you've got.
We're richer than Otis!
(Who's Otis? I dunno...he rhymes with notice, though.)

Sometimes we're ungrateful
until it gets harder.
Sometimes it takes miracles
to fill up our larder.

So take what you have
and help someone lower.
Perhaps WE won't need bailouts when it gets colder.

Just friends to look out for us,
friends to look out for,
good neighbors who know what a neighbor is there for.

And I'd just like to say,
(yes, my rhyming's a sight)...

Merry Christmas to all! May we all see the light.