Friday, November 28, 2008

Swiss Family Paulin

So we were kinda broke this last month.

Swhat happens when, all at once, your car goes in the shop for repairs and your dog needs shots/spaying and your bank improves its online banking system, and in the confusion, you find you've sent out double payments for your utilities *gasp*.

So yeah, we were kinda broke last month.

It worked in our favor, though. We had to live mostly off of what we had in our house for two weeks. We even experimented a bit with living "off the land" towards the end there. We ended up cooking a lot more food from scratch (not an ingredient, btw).

I've learned some valuable things as a result, which I will now graciously impart to y'all. That's just the kind of earthy, land-living gal I am:

#1) Never tell your 9 year old daughter she's eating venison halfway through the meal.

#2) Don't be puzzled when the only family member with the stomach to watch the cleaning and gutting of freshly caught fish is the finicky 4 year old.

#3) Don't leave your 2 year old alone in the kitchen with the waffle batter unless you enjoy "toy car extract" in your waffles.

#4) A vital step in making great pizza dough is allowing your children to powder themselves...and the table...and the floor with the flour.

#5) Real whipped cream really IS better than cool-whipped petroleum byproduct. Huh, go figure.

#6) Homemade white bread should be listed with the federal government as a highly addictive substance, alongside crack cocaine and marijuana.

#7) Dogs make great broom substitutes.

#8) Do not be alarmed when you find yourself consuming vast quantities of sweet potatoes, a vegetable you previously loathed (a sign of Vit A deficiency.)

#9) When your daughter needs to bring a treat to school for the class party, and she thoughtfully waits to inform you the morning of the party, send a freshly baked loaf of bread with her to school. Her classmates will be SO impressed and she will come off looking cool and different (You actually MADE your own bread! whoa...), but novelty or no, none of the kids will eat it as there are not sufficient additives/sweeteners to attract them away from the doritos and hohos. It will come back mostly intact because the only person interested in freshly baked bread will be the teacher, so your won't have to bake another loaf of bread to get you through the week. It's a win/win situation!

#10) The last of the tomatoes are still green and it's about to freeze. Oh well, I guess...wait a sec.




Aha, here it is: Fried-green tomatoes. Sure, why not.

*slice slice slice*



*sizzle sizzle sizzle*

Ouch! hot!

*chew chew*

Oh wow! Mmmmmm!

Yeah, I get it now!


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Holiday Purge

The Halloween candy is finally consumed. This election cycle is finally over. My cold is finally starting to let up.

Let the cleansing begin!

Today I'm fostering my recovery with a mild dose of Christmas music. Not too much mind you; it's not even Thanksgiving yet (a fact that seems to escape most commercial retailers.) Just one album, played periodically, to lifts my spirits and usher in the holiday season. Perhaps a little Adam Sandler singing about turkeys would suffice.

Unfortunately, I've found it prudent to avoid the radio as much as possible. This is necessary, not only to be free from the blustering "I was right! You'll see!!!" Limbaugh crowd, as well as the smarmy "We won, ha ha!" NPR lot, but also a necessity when one prefers Sisel and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to The Beach Boys "Little St. Nick" and George Michael's Christmas classic "Last Christmas" (played ad nauseum - did Mr. Michael write only one holiday song? Could somebody PLEASE make him write another? On second thought...)

And now for the true purging:

It is now officially time for me to let go of my ire over Smallville being hijacked by teenage soap monsters.

Summary of seasons 4-?:

"I'm Clark, the geeky high school kid played by the cool, hulking college age football player type, which works! No really, it does! And I love Lana!" - Clark looks at Lana deeply

"I love/hate Clark cuz he's a big fat liar! What's my name again?" - Lana looks at Clark deeply, winces from head wound #47.

"I'm Clark's bestest friend, Chloe. Even though I've had my memory erased and forgotten who he really is repeatedly, which makes viewers like Liz so angry they want to throw their remote controls into the television monitor, I still love Clark!"

"I'm Jimmy, Chloe's perpetual rebound...that's about it."

"I'm Lois. I have breasts. Wanna see them?"

"I'm the guest star. I lie like Clark, only not as convincingly cuz they usually figure me out in the first episode. What... oh, sure Lois!"

"I'm Lex. I'm really too good of an actor to be on this show. I have to shave my head to make it fair."

"I'm Lionel. My character makes no sense and is morally bi-polar. I wasn't really dead that one time, just resting. But this time I'm really, REALLY dead!"

"I'm the viewer. I'm so done."

They can't help themselves, apparently, so let it go Liz!

Ahhhhh....that's better.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Reality check

So it's really early in the morning and I have a cold. Can't sleep. I get up and check my facebook account, surf the news sites on the web, surf them again...

I think back to the opening ceremony of the Olympics, the first after 9/11. We were all united in a purpose. We stood on the steps of the Capitol and sang "God Bless America". What a wonderful feeling!

I miss that now.

This last election was brutal and ugly. There is no such thing as "just politics"; words have power. You can't say everything is okay now that the election is over after spending years of dividing one portion of america and pitting it against the other.

Being a staunch Democrican...or is it Republicrat...I really truly was torn on who to vote for. But what I was NOT torn about, what I was absolutely convinced of, was that personal attacks were heinous and wrong. Attacking a candidate's religious beliefs, their ethnicity, their children's belly fat, their "kankles" candidate was safe. It was truly nauseating to behold.

But now we're okay, right? Everything is all better because the election is over, right?

Any minute now Rush Limbaugh and Nancy Pelosi are going to embrace on the steps of the capitol in a gesture of conciliation and good will. Harry Reid is no doubt on his way as I write this to shake John McCain's hand and welcome him back to the Senate, eager to work with him on future projects.

We didn't really mean all of those nasty things that we said. We're all better now because we say we are and what we say, even if it doesn't mesh with reality, is reality.

Just ask Wall Street.